Life goes far too quickly.
At the moment, my life revolves around a job – leave home 8am and arrive home about 6-6:30pm. Any time left over outside of driving to and from is taken up by things which need to be done such as cooking, showers, homework, feeding the dog, washing up, etc. At about 8pm, I finally get to sit down and at 8:30pm, it’s time for my youngest to go to bed. Weekends involve sport for half of Saturday, and church on Sunday. This leaves a cool 24 hours, approximately, over two days for family time. And truthfully, this is once fortnight due to a week-about arrangement.
It is sad to look at my life in this way and realise that the majority of my life is spent away from my family, our home, and quality time together.
Lately, when I ask my youngest what he is doing, most of the time he responds with “I’m existing”. Which is his way of saying “nothing”. So, re-evaluating my life, what am I doing? I’m existing. My life is mostly full of lots of “nothing”.
We tend to pursue so many things but still get nowhere. We are so busy filling our days with “stuff” that we sometimes miss treasurable moments. And before you know it, you’re 43 years old and looking back on an existence, not a life.
I don’t know about you, but I want more than an existence. I want to live. Really live. I want others to be encouraged to be true to themselves. I want to put back into my community and help others. I want my life to have meant something to me, and possibly to others along the way, when I have left this world behind for the afterlife.
“I want others to be encouraged to be true to themselves”
This is one of my strivings towards a life instead of an existence. I need to be honest with myself. And honestly, though my colleagues are awesome people to work with, I don’t particularly like my job. Through unforeseen circumstances, our jobs have been made redundant and it has pushed me into the situation of finding new employment. You could say this is a blessing in disguise because now I have the opportunity to take hold of a dream, walk a different path in a new industry or even possibly go after a career rather than a job. There’s a number of choices I can make. But this time I am being honest with myself – I’m going after my dream and turning entrepreneur!
Not everyone is in the same boat as me. Some people feel trapped in a world they never planned on being in. Some people are already living their dream. Some people are content with where their life is. And some people live in regret of passing up an opportunity, not searching for one, or not taking a chance due to fear of failure, or even possibly a fear of success.
It’s a big risk I’m planning on taking. It may not work. I might not make much money and have to find another job anyway. One thing is certain, I don’t want to look back on my life and wonder what could have been, and regretting seizing this chance.
“I want to put back into the community and help others”
One thing I have always wanted to do but have not, to date, approached is helping the homeless or starving in other countries. My heart used to feel excited at helping the children in Uganda like some of my friends do. Initially, that’s where I was going to aim. But then I was reminded of the homeless when 18 months ago, despite working full-time, I was forced to live in a caravan for more than 12 months. It was lucky that I knew someone with one which I could borrow and then somewhere to park it for 14 months. Without it, I’d have been living in my car.
Being in such a predicament made me much more aware of the homelessness surrounding us every day which a lot of the time, is invisible to the eyes of most of us going about our everyday lives. There are cities across the world who are trying to push this problem further out of everyone’s view by making it almost illegal to be homeless in certain areas in order to “clean things up”. God forbid the people making those decisions ever find themselves with nowhere to lay their head at night or with not enough to eat.
My goal is to get off my butt and find a place where I can volunteer in order to help improve the lives of those on the streets.
“I want my life to have meant something to me, and possibly to others along the way, when I have left this world behind for the afterlife”
When I am on my death bed looking back over decades of gracing Earth with my presence, I want to feel good about the efforts I have put into things. One of those things is not really a thing but a who – my family.
I really could have been a better mum to my two eldest boys. Quality time was limited, or non-existent through various parts of their lives. They had to deal with a mum who had been misdiagnosed and on the wrong meds for years that her behaviour was erratic, irrational and extreme at times. I took very little interest in the sports they played on the weekends, rarely went anywhere with them, and only ever went on a holiday with them once in their whole lives. They were three at that time. They are now 18.
Now, with my youngest, I want to do things differently. He is ten at the moment, so there is a good chunk of time to create good fun memories with him. Money is still as tight as it has ever been, but I’m not letting that be an excuse anymore. I am also hoping that it isn’t too late to create some good memories with my older boys by including them in doing things together.
My dream is to be an author, and therefore, I have written a book titled “I Don’t Hate Me Anymore”. This takes all my strivings stated within this blog and rolls them into one. My book puts me in a position where I can “encourage people to be true to themselves”, “put back into the community and help others” and “allow my life to have meaning to me and to others along the way”.
My life’s inflictions have been laid bare to show others it is possible.
We are our own limitation.