SOME NIGHTS……and days

Help-sm-u7eg2gThis week has been challenging for me. PTSD paid me a visit and caused a little bit of havoc. He’s never welcome but shows up anyway. I struggled with what was happening and took me a little while to admit I needed help. I called my psychologist and made an appointment.

Then I remembered a beautiful status which one of my equally beautiful friends wrote in 2015. It touched me so much that I printed it and laminated it. I’ve placed it on my wardrobe door and read it often. Even though I see it there every day, it wasn’t until this week that I was able to put into words how this quote speaks to me.

Kostandina is probably one of the most positive people I know, if not the most positive. She radiates love and beauty through her words and her actions all the way from Greece. I love how she looks at the world and ponders over things. For me, her perspective is like a rainbow of colours which are yet to be named. It is her heart to help others and so, with her permission, I have shared her quote in the hope that it will indeed mean something to someone as well…..

Kostadina Ganitis quote“Some nights you feel like there are a thousand galaxies exploding in every inch of you and you are burning too bright to ever be looked at directly. And some nights you will feel impossibly small, like your whole body could slip through the spaces between atoms and never reappear in this world again. And some nights you will feel like a paper doll, carefully crafted and easily blown away, fragile, too delicate to ever be touched. And some nights you will feel like each cell in your body is made of the strength that holds the whole planet together, and that’s ok….because you are made of stardust and minuscule atoms and breakable bones and the building blocks of everything in the universe, and you are too alive to never feel anything more than human….some nights.”— Kostandina Ganitis —

This, to me, is pure poetry. When I first read it, I remember thinking “yes, that’s exactly how life feels for me, sometimes weak and sometimes strong.” Being a writer and poet, how Kostandina chose to express herself this way really stood out for me. It struck a chord within me. This week has caused me to look at it differently. I now have eyes to see how life is intricately represented in her words.

untitled“Some nights you feel like there are a thousand galaxies exploding in every inch of you and you are burning too bright to ever be looked at directly.”

In this line, I see life’s joys, happiness, and excitement, as well as adventure and exploration. These are the highlights of life, the parts which makes you smile, creates great memories and helps you to feel loved. Sometimes you can feel these things so intensely that it can’t be hidden or denied and those around you can’t help but be effected by it.

p038jf6n“And some nights you will feel impossibly small, like your whole body could slip through the spaces  between atoms and never reappear in this world again.”

Here, I see all the times you feel so low that you wish you could just disappear and that no one would ever find you. All the times you wish life would just end. All the times you have felt suicidal or tried to carry it out. All the times you felt like running away and never coming back. All the traumas life has thrown at you. It’s a deep low point from which just ‘being’ is like breathing under water.

DollChainsDiagonal440“And some nights you will feel like a paper doll, carefully crafted and easily blown away, fragile, too delicate to ever be touched.”

This impresses on me all the times when life reminds you of how broken you are. When the consequences of other people’s actions effect you so much that you are a mess on the floor, that if anyone was to hurt you again, you would disintegrate. When your emotions are all over the place and you can’t make sense of anything. When you feel your heart should be stronger than it is. When you have no more tears left to cry.

This_new_photo_of_Earth-5727e2b0b4b6883e7ff81c9f2781f590“And some nights you will feel like each cell in your body is made of the strength that holds the whole planet together,”

This sentence is all the times you feel like nothing could ever hurt you. All the times when you have felt so confident that nothing could possibly bring you down. All the times you have kept strong through a tough situation and come out the other end a better person for it. All the times you have stood up for yourself, someone else, or a cause. The moment you go from being a victim to a survivor.

HerschelLMC“and that’s ok….because you are made of stardust and minuscule atoms and breakable bones and the building blocks of everything in the universe, and you are too alive to never feel anything more than human….some nights.”

The final line is letting you know that it is ok to feel these things. You are all of these things and more. You are weak. You are strong. You are fragile. But you are magnificently made from your most invisible parts to the most obvious. Inside and out you are unique. That’s what makes you human. That’s what makes you, you.

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