Suicide. Just the word itself is frightening.
This week, an old school friend lost her son to the heartbreaking act of suicide. He had suffered badly with depression. Such a young man, just starting his adult journey. What anguish he must have been suffering to feel that death was the only solution.
He was the same age as my boys.
Growing up, my sisters and I were all close to my old school friend. So, it has effected all of us. I can only imagine her and her family’s grief.
And this is just one story of hundreds of young people who take their lives every year.
Even though young people are at high risk of committing suicide, I’m not dismissing anyone at any age being vulnerable to it. God knows I have been close many times. If you, or anyone you know, feels suicidal, please call someone to talk. A couple of numbers are at the end of this blog.
My first sister, in 2016, wrote something beautiful in light of the 2004 Tsunami in Thailand, after she had watched a documentary about it. Given all grief is hard, she was reminded this week of this piece of writing. There is great heartache in any loss of life, but that of the young is hardest of all. She has given me permission to share it with you all. I share it because it speaks to anyone who has lost someone close to them.
I sit, unmoving, except for the projector in my mind. Revisiting treasured moments in time; memories I fear will fade.
A constant dull ache from the bottom of my throat radiating to my jaw. The tension of the tears that are constantly threatening to overtake me if I allow it; sometimes I do.
Groaning and wailing, nature’s pain killers, don’t work.
An emptiness in my chest, some piece of me is missing; I cannot fix this.
I close my eyes my cheeks moisten with the deluge that threatens once more to overwhelm.
How do I get up from this?
I don’t want to get up from this.
Leave me here in my memories. Anything to see you, to touch you again.
If only; if only I …….. then maybe you……. this constant torment. Did I show you enough? Did I tell you enough? Did you know? Hindsight and reflection hate me right now.
I sit here motionless. Except for my memories. Let me stay here it hurts too much to leave.”
IF YOU, OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW, FEELS SUICIDAL, OR FEELS AT RISK, PLEASE CALL SOMEONE TO TALK.
Lifeline 13 11 14
Also available is online Crisis Support Chat.
Beyond Blue 1300 224 636
Also available is online chat.