I woke up this morning feeling really down.
Had a big blow up with a friend the night before and it was weighing on me.
It’s one of those times where you didn’t mean to do something, but it happened anyway, and the other person was hurt a lot.
This happened to me last night. But I wasn’t the one being hurt. I was the one unintentionally causing the hurt. There were legit reasons behind what happened, but ultimately it wasn’t a one way miscommunication.
The end result was a major kafuffle! How was all this going to be rectified? Was such a mess. There was no talking things through right at that time.
Tonight, with a couple of others, we sat down and tried to talk about it.
Was very rocky. Lots of emotions and hurt being flung around. Old stuff being dredged up. Storming off, swearing and yelling. I’m pretty sure the neighbours on all sides heard everything quite clearly. Lucky, the police never turned up, so no-one complained. That’s a plus.
Eventually, things calmed down enough for each of us to say our piece. Hurt was acknowledged, apologies given and suggestions of what can be done better next time. Solutions for a few other things besides last night’s fiasco were also determined.
Overall, a good outcome.
What we did tonight wasn’t easy. I was nervous as all hell. Things could have gone so much worse with a much less desirable ending. But I knew I didn’t want things to go on the way they had been for the last 24 hours. There’s no way I could have dealt with that sort of treatment long term. We see each other on a daily basis so it was essential we were able to find a ground of truce.
Both of us, my friend and me, have personal issues and illnesses which have made this whole process an extremely highly emotional time for everyone. Even though it was mostly between my friend and me, it’s affected others. So in the end, it wasn’t only about us, but the people who have had to watch this go on since last night. They were hurt too.
Glad to say I am extremely happy the end result was a good one instead of being escalated, which is what I feared. It might take a few days for things to settle and go back to normal though where we are able to talk to each other like the friends we truly are. And I’m ok with that. Space for processing, learning and growing is required.
As they say time heals all wounds. And from my life’s earlier years’ experiences, it couldn’t be truer a quote.
Can I encourage you, if you have a unresolved problem with someone, if they’ve hurt you, if you can’t even remember why you stopped talking or what the argument is actually about anymore, to go to them and talk it through. Even if the result is understanding and possibly forgiveness, it is one person less you are estranged from.
Relationships are indeed hard regardless of their position in your life – sister, mother, daughter, brother, son, father, friend, partner. However, they’re all precious due to their importance to us. And if they aren’t precious to us, then it could be a person we hurt when we were kids. Asking for forgiveness, or asking to be given the time of day to even speak with a hurt person could be the most difficult thing you have had to do of late. But it could also be the most rewarding, releasing, renewing and healing thing you could do – for them and you.
Time is both our enemy and our friend.
A poem written by me…..
Time travels alongside me
Losing time in the process
Only to find more down the track.
Time is your friend and your enemy.
It can both heal and hurt
From the same action –
written by Allison Rose Clark ©2009