One of the words I’ve heard people use to describe me with is STRONG.
I can tell you, I don’t feel strong most days. In fact, most days I feel anxious about things I shouldn’t feel anxious about. Such as my youngest son coming home for his week with me, texting someone to ask a question, phoning someone even if it’s family just to have a casual chat, making a decision about anything. I shouldn’t but I do, and I just move through it without thinking about it too much because if I don’t, it’ll cripple me.
I don’t want to let it control me, but me control it.
Easier said than done.
So, when someone describes me as strong, I wonder what they see in me to think that way.
Well, it certainly isn’t muscles these people are looking at. If I did any of the body builder poses, you’d notice mine hanging around relaxing, not entertaining the viewers.
If it was someone else, and I was telling them they were strong, what would influence me to say that about them? What makes a person strong?
That is how they hold up under extreme circumstances, when the going gets tough, or if a difficulty goes on for what may seem like forever with no end in sight. Do they give up easily, or do they fight til the end regardless of failing or winning?
How is their mind tackling the situation? Blaming, holding grudges, anger, avoiding the issue, refusing to talk about what’s happened and possible solutions, silent treatment. Or maybe they’re refusing to let it defeat them and forging a way through it because they’re focused on what’s on the other side when it’s all over.
This is the way a person sees things. They can be totally negative which is obviously not helpful because if you feel like there is no hope, you won’t try at anything. However, being totally positive is also a danger because it can be a tool for not having to deal with anything, pretending everything is ok, or it will just work itself out because it’s not that big of a deal. Denial can sound and look like the person is handling things and can be believable to the person enquiring about their wellbeing.
Their traumatic experiences.
What a person has had to endure, especially when there truly isn’t any help available at all can be inspiring. The things they had to do when their Will to live was at its loudest shows character and builds resilience.
Having heard their story and considering all they went through, the type of person they have grown into because of it, and how it’s effected the way they view the world, people and life as a result, is what I think about when describing someone as strong.
Nobody is strong through everything in life. Sometimes, we crash and burn. Other times we fly out of the fire renewed and inspired to do things differently.
Thinking about how people have described me as strong, I can see where they would gather that conclusion from……
1. Endured bullying at school from 1981 to 1990.
2. Was sexually assaulted at 8 years old by my cousin, and my Grandfather tried to tongue kiss me when I was roughly 13 years old.
3. Married three times.
4. Four abusive relationships, one nearly killing me.
5. Have survived abuse over a period of 36 years of my life.
6. My friends betrayed me.
7. Three miscarriages.
There’s so much more I could write down. That’s why I wrote a book and this strength I’m talking about, can be found within its pages. How I am still standing here being able to write this very blog is beyond me. I want to share what I’ve discovered about myself so others can also see it in their own lives with a “how-to” section at the end of each chapter.
Being able to recognise my own strength is so important to my overall health. Knowing the positives about myself is vital in being able to love me correctly.
Is it time you acknowledged your strengths? Remind yourself where you’ve come from and that you are a survivor!